I just did it. I hit that little “WordPress” button on my bookmarks bar and directed myself right on over to this blank post screen that I haven’t seen in over two weeks. There are more butterflies in my stomach right now than I thought there’d be. I thought I’d be thrilled, excited, feeling perfectly at ease to be back at Basically Hermione.
But my fingers are shaking a little bit. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that this step feels the hardest; it’s always been an odd comfort to me to think that the Enemy attacks most when we’re about to do something huge. It means that when I’m feeling the most afraid, I’m probably doing the right thing. (Unless I’m feeling most afraid as I’m about to, like, zipline over a pool of piranhas. That just sounds unsafe.)
Today, I went to the library, sat outside on this gorgeous fall day, and crafted “The Game Plan.” As I did so, I called myself “Cher with a pen.” (A la Clueless, because Clueless.) I was making charts about what I write and why, listing pro tips from a writing webinar I participated in several weeks ago, and coming up with next steps. I was moving forward.
And sometimes, when you move forward, the steps you take feel a little shaky.
I know what I want to do in this space now. I have it outlined in a chart with “The Fling” in one column and “The Focus” in another. (This goes along with another alliterated chart, FYI, because that’s the way I roll. Alliterated charts. Whoop whoop.) I know why I’m here.
The words are back and they’re flowing, and even though that big blue “Publish” button is freaking me out a little right now, I’m excited. I’ve got lots planned. It’s scary to be Cher with a pen, but I am hoping that it’s worth it.
Before we get the ball(point pen) rolling, I have a few people I need to thank:
- My family, friends, and loved ones who have stuck with me in this crazy season of life. Senior year has kicked. my. butt. And so many people have loved me, supported me, encouraged me, and given me wise advice through it all. Thank y’all for loving me as I am.
- My readers. Thank you for being okay with the radio silence and for encouraging me re: the blogging break. I appreciate you, your time, and your support more than you know. Thank you for your forgiveness, grace, and kindness to me.
- Better than Queso, Vol. 1. I joined this writing group on Facebook a couple weeks ago, and they have already inspired me and given me a real sense of community with other word-crafters (that is so not a thing, why am I up so late) such as myself. Thank you guys for being such a big part of the reason I came back to typing today.
And to you, right now: Thanks for reading. Get ready for one heck of a ride.