“All this I have told you so that you will not fall away.” -John 16:1
I don’t want to fall away.
I feel like more often than not, people don’t drop Christianity like a hot potato after some traumatic event. They don’t instantly cut ties with the church and break up with the Christian radio station, bristling whenever someone mentions Easter eggs. Instead, it’s falling away. Wandering further and further out until you’re completely lost and figure that any path will do at this point, so why try to get back home?
I never want to fall away, but strangely, that’s not what I spend most of my fear on. I fear not fitting in. I fear making wrong decisions. I fear being laughed at in the same way that I fear bugs, and let me tell you, the last time I saw a sizable roach I was paralyzed with terror and sobbed for twenty minutes. I fear failure, perhaps most of all. Failure is like a giant spider except I can’t call my daddy to kill it.
But none of those are worse than falling away. None of those will leave me as desperate and broken as looking back on my path and realizing that it was wayward and unwise. None of those will make me as disappointed as realizing that I’ve been forgetting the One who loves me more than anyone else ever could. I focus on all of these things that will never matter nearly as much as my Savior… and that just doesn’t make sense.
I’ve been learning that God does not want me to have it all figured out. That’s not my job. It’s my job to keep my eyes on Him in this world that will try to distract me. It’s easy to fall away because of my own shortcomings but also because of the world constantly tugging at me and pulling me in a million different directions. It is not my job to fit in, to make all the right decisions, to avoid failure like the plague. It’s my job to keep to this path going toward home and toward Him.
Maybe there are some times when you just gotta be reminded: Don’t fall away. In the daily to-do’s and mundane messes, don’t fall away. Keep your eyes on the One who will never fail. Don’t do everything all at once, don’t try to gain perfection, don’t attempt to earn grace. Sometimes, your only concern needs to be just not falling away.